I’m writing this as a final batch of Rum & Raisin truffles are setting in the fridge & there’s a lot of washing up to do from a busy last day of 2025.
Perhaps you relish New Year celebrations, or you may find it overwhelming. Or a bit of both…
If it’s been a tough year, you might be exhausted and hoping for a better 2026, with the optimism of new beginnings.
2025 has been a long year, with a lot going on for those close to me, and I’ve been looking after some particularly heartbreaking services in my work as a Funeral Celebrant.
It’s not an easy profession, supporting families at the worst time in their lives, but it’s a privilege to listen to the life stories of loved ones, and to be of service. Hopefully I can bring some comfort and honour their love.
I heard the phrase ‘to look with kind eyes’, from Adam Brody’s character in the Netflix TV show Nobody Wants This. it’s a wise way to view the world with a generous heart. I urge you to ‘look with kind eyes’ at yourself as you assess your year, to be proud of how you’ve navigated the difficult challenges alongside the happy times.
I received beautiful flowers from a family to thank me for two services I took for them recently. They wrote such tender words on the card and saw me ‘with kind eyes’ in the midst of their grief. The flowers bring winter colour to my desk, and I hope the New Year brings them peace and strength.
Life is full of many big emotions, and we try to hold space for them all. As a Celebrant I get to tell real life Love Stories – beautiful, messy and sometimes complicated, just like life.
Like most of us, I’m doing my best, I haven’t got everything figured out, but I’m grateful to be here and a part of this messy, complicated and beautiful life stuff!
I stumbled on some words from Rilke, about listening, which I’ll share below. (Apologies but I’ve forgotten who initially shared them.) However you approach the New Year, take a moment to listen. Perhaps listen to those closest to you, to hear what is and isn’t being said? Maybe listen to the symphony of traffic noise or notice morning birdsong, as you put the bins out.
Can you also take five minutes with a cuppa, and listen to yourself? Find that still, quiet spot deep inside, that you might not have noticed lately. What do you really want more or less of in your life? Beyond what advertisers claim you should desire for a New Year, what does your heart truly crave?
It might be more quiet time to just drink tea, or read or draw, or perhaps you need more dancing in the kitchen, or karaoke in the shower. Maybe you yearn for a good cry in the bath, after all the difficult things you’ve navigated this year?
Whatever it is you wish for, take a few moments to write it down and see where the pen leads you. Be curious, it may surprise you, and I hope you feel nourished by listening to yourself. Perhaps it will be the beginning of identifying something you’d like to change. We could call this ‘listening with kind ears!’
Maybe in that quiet time you’ll think of a new tradition for 2026, to tell family and friends how much you appreciate them and what you love about them.
Thinking of ‘kind ears’, here’s the Rilke words for you, as the New Year approaches:
“…Now I can hear the tree.
Then all went silent. But even in the silence
was signal, beginning, change.
Out of the stillness of the unbound forest,
animals came forth from dens and nests.
And it was not fear or cunning
that made them be so quiet,
but the desire to listen.”
From Sonnets to Orpheus, by Rilke.
Can you find that instinctive desire to listen to the world around you, and to yourself?
I’m currently hearing early fireworks announcing 2026, so I’ll wish you the best for the New Year, and may we meet it with ‘kind eyes and ears’ for each other.
Time to wash up now, and see if I can hear the bubbles popping above the fireworks…
As it’s already January, Happy New Year greetings to you! A time of optimism as we look ahead, and ‘dwell in possibility’, as the poet Emily Dickinson wrote.
But don’t expect too much from yourself, be gentle.
Baby steps.
When a ship wants to change course, the rudders shift by small amounts, but gradually the ship turns and heads in the right direction.
So if you plan to get healthier, don’t try running 10K on 1st January & existing on kale smoothies… Just try scrubbing a carrot & crunching on it while you make dinner. Or throwing a handful of frozen peas into a pasta sauce to add an extra portion of veg towards your 5 a day.
If you plan to declutter the whole house & live a stylish minimalist life worthy of Instagram, just start with the cutlery drawer. It’s a 10 minute job that gives you a tiny win straight away & a natural hit of dopamine to mark the achievement.
Just don’t get rid of the hamster or the children, no matter how messy they might be today…
It’s tempting to imagine January 1st on the calendar signals a whole new You. Been there & done that. It didn’t work.
How could it? January can be a bleak, cold & dark month… especially if you’ve given up chocolate.
Again.
I’ve lost count of the years that 31st December would be spent polishing off every Quality Street, Roses & After Eight in the house… swearing that the following year would be one free from chocolate.
Then Cadburys would bring out the first Creme Eggs in early January, and it would be rude not to!
Growing up in Birmingham, with family & friends working in Cadburys chocolate factory, & having a name like Charlie, associated with a proverbial Chocolate Factory…
So from my 40’s onwards, I’ve figured out that this is never going to work. Instead I aim for the slightly healthier option of darker chocolate.
Baby steps.
Initially it was 70%. But then I worked my way up to 85%. And occasionally the hardcore option of 100% cocoa. But work your way up gradually to that, it’s not for the faint hearted.
Lots of small decisions are yours to make over coming days, weeks, and months of 2022.
So start small, but be consistent. Be realistic. And before you judge yourself harshly as needing major improvement, first try a little Gratitude.
Sprinkle that on with the goji berry/linseed sprinkles on top of your Acai bowl, or whatever the trendspotters predict we’ll be noshing this year.
Appreciate that you’ve made it through whatever 2020 & 2021 hurled your way. And let’s be honest, they were not the easiest of years for any of us.
So whatever you’ve personally been dealing with, and might be utterly exhausted by, you made it through. So reward yourself with a New Year’s Honours list title of your own. I’m sure the Queen won’t mind.
What will you name it? The, ‘I home schooled my kids while juggling work Teams meetings, delivering shopping for vulnerable neighbours & not throwing a tantrum when the petrol stations had a petrol crisis that wasn’t really a petrol crisis, but the pumps were empty?!’
Actually you could try doing less.
In fact, try doing nothing.
How radical would that be?
Just for a few minutes a day. No laptop or phone screen, just set a kitchen timer if you want to mark the 5 minutes.
And maybe carve out a few minutes of chill-out time every day just for yourself. No expectations of achieving anything.
Not doing anything.
Just being.
It doesn’t matter if you call this Meditation, or daydreaming, or just sitting.
In fact, if you’ve got a chair or sofa to curl up on for these sacred 5 minutes of peace, with a view of a tree – you can call it Tree time.
Or Cat time, if you’ve got a cat who would love to be adored for 5 minutes of your undivided attention. Just relaxing and giving yourself a break will help.
You can try focusing on your breathing. Nothing fancy, just noticing the air as it goes in through your nostrils, then down into your lungs, and finally filling your belly.
Let it rise, without judgement of the size or shape of your belly.
Be like a toddler who feels pure joy and wonder at their curving tummy, do not use tabloid journalist body shaming.
Allowing your belly to softly fill with air helps you to deepen and gently slow down each breath, making it more relaxing & nourishing.
This gentle attention on your breath helps give your brain a little ‘popcorn’ to snack on. This is less stressful than you trying to completely empty your mind & clear out your busy brain.
But it subtly takes your attention away from the 1001 worries that can swirl around your head like scrambled eggs in a washing machine.
Just giving you a few minutes breathing space can help calm your system down. This can boost your immune system, slightly lower your blood pressure a little and help to sooth the primitive part of the brain that may have been on constant Fight or Flight response mode in recent years.
Think of it as smoothing over a design flaw from centuries ago, as you help yourself trust that no woolly mammoth is about to chase you. Back then we didn’t have phone screens & 24 hour news channels that constantly flashed up woolly mammoth equivalents…
So that’s a good way to begin your New Year’s resolutions, by doing 5 minutes less every single day of 2022.
You may come to relish these few minutes as total bliss. Looking forward to a chance to de-stress and chill-out in peace no matter how demanding the rest of the day is.
Oh, and don’t forget the carrot.
Or the cutlery drawer. But only if you want to… baby steps.
**Would you like to trya monthly Mindfulness & Journalling session on Zoom? In small friendly groups where beginners are welcome alongside more experienced writers.
Where we practice new techniques that work on your Superpower of Mindfulness, in a relaxed & creative way. Where giggling & daydreaming are encouraged alongside fresh inspiration. Where you’re always welcome to share the things we think & write, but there’s never any pressure to do so.
If so, drop me a line & you’re welcome as a guest on the 2nd Sunday morning, or 2nd Monday evening of each month. Next sessions are 9th Jan at 10.30am, and 10th Jan at 7pm. All you need is pen & paper, and maybe a cuppa. Oh, and chocolate if you like… the higher cocoa content the better!
A cup of tea… the panacea for most things in life. 62 billion cups of it are drunk by us Brits each year, so it must help. When we don’t quite know what to say, or when we’re trying to avoid loved ones spoiling for a fight, we go and put the kettle on.
Perhaps you usually get your hot drinks from a local artisan coffee shop, with a Barista who’s part coffee alchemist, part therapist. But for the next 48 hours, it’s family, friends or yourself doling out your caffeine fix.
Over your lifetime you’ll probably have many different types of Christmas. Some surrounded by people, and some alone. Some with family, some with friends. Some at work, some needing care from those who are at work. Some happy, some sad.
You get the picture… and actually most will be a mixture of all of the above.
Throw in a global pandemic, where travel plans are thwarted by lines on a testing stick or government regulations, not forgetting the services cancelled by staff having to isolate etc.
This festive season is still uncertain for many of us, perhaps with loved ones in hospital or undergoing chemo & suffering the side effects at home, or with family preferring not to meet up indoors.
Or maybe this year your partner has the children and the house echoes with emptiness, and even the cat is sulking.
However your festive plans have changed, whether you’re downsizing your Christmas day to a microwaved curry for one, working double shifts to cover for poorly colleagues, or have invited the neighbour you don’t really get along with, but don’t want to see them alone this Christmas day… putting the kettle on might be a useful refuge.
Making yourself a cup of tea, or offering one to others gives you a simple task to do and a few minutes to yourself in the kitchen. Both are useful.
You might find yourself silently swearing with the stress… in which case try going through the alphabet for new words! Or if you’ve got a bird feeder outside the window, gazing at a thuggish robin chasing away a peckish blue tit might give a moment of escape.
You can be lonely in a crowd, and perfectly happy and content in your own company. But if you’re dreading the loneliness of a solo day, then having a rough plan is a good start. Knowing when you’ll wake, shower, put the radio on, eat, go for a walk, and perhaps phone a friend, what to watch on TV etc, can help.
Break the 24 hrs into manageable chunks, and remind yourself that this too will pass.
Some days are like this, and some Christmas days are just like this. Know that you’re not the only one. Behind many other front doors in the street where you live, this will be echoed. Perhaps next year, well in advance of 25th December you’ll have a different plan in place and invite someone else to join you for some part of the day.
Or you may be someone who is perfectly happy all year round, but dreads the forced party time with certain family members or friends who bring out the worst in you. In which case, a few things to remember that can help:
Offering cups of tea, or assorted snacks can help, if there are moments of awkward silence, or when it seems someone is about to burst into tears or start an argument with the same relative that they usually disagree with. It’s like distracting a toddler in a supermarket on the verge of a tantrum…
Like Noddy Holder in that Slade song, you can always shout, “It’s Christmas’ as another way of nudging the family away from cross words or soap opera style fights!
Or try playing ‘Tennis Questions‘. When someone asks you the question you find unbearable… perhaps the same person and question that sets you off every single year.
It might be about when you’re going to start a family, when you’re already on the edge of tears due to failed IVF, or ‘What’s wrong with you, why aren’t you in a relationship?’ when you’re the only single one in a family where everyone else is married before they reach 20.
For any of the above, you can play ‘Tennis Questions‘, where you bounce it right back to the person doing the asking. In the simplest form, this means saying, ‘That’s interesting. Why do you ask that?’
Or if you want another type of tennis move, if it’s a question about why you’re not having children, you can ask that person why they had children. Or when they’re making you squirm asking why you’re still single, ask why they got married.
Or if it’s something you’re fed up of facing every year, and have had enough of, you can try saying something like, ‘I know you love me, and wouldn’t want to upset me… but I find this too upsetting to talk about, so I don’t want to answer that and can we change the subject. Would you like a cup of tea?‘ And we’re back to our saviour, the kettle!
Also, worth searching online for the writer Martha Beck, and her ‘Dysfunctional Family Bingo’ for an idea… but let’s call it Creative family Bingo. Where you guess in advance the particular things that might annoy you about your own family gathering, and put them on a bingo card.
Ticking them off then gives your brain a mini dopamine hit of success, & a giggle, without it making you quite so angry.
For many years, I worked on Christmas day hosting live radio programmes. Often in phone-ins, we’d hear from those with non-traditional festive plans. Some might be feeling sad or lonely, especially if it was a first Christmas since the loss of a loved one. The comfort of a fellow human being live on the radio to talk to, or listen to can never be underestimated.
But we’d also hear from those quite content to be alone, and who would tell us with relish their plans for the perfect day. I’ll never forget one caller.
A lady who’d been widowed that year, so knew about sadness and loss. She said that several family & friends had invited her to join big family gatherings, that she was grateful for their kindness, but wanted to be alone that day.
She needed time and space to herself, and held cherished memories of the love of her husband on a long walk on the Yorkshire Moors with her dogs. Following this with a microwave curry, glass of a single malt & a box set of 24 was her perfect solo Christmas.
She sounded truly happy and content with the day, and phoned us to say how the radio had been on in the kitchen to keep that background noise as well, and thanked us for our company.
As we thanked her for listening and phoning in, and her wisdom. Finding something to be thankful for is a really useful skill at festive celebrations and all year round.
Let gratitude be one of your Superpowers. For waking up today with a roof overhead. For the ability to see the sky, even if we can’t see the sun today. For the love of family & friends, even the slightly grumpy ones that might be irritable today.
Gratitude for those no longer with us. Amidst the sadness at their loss, nurturing a sense of appreciation that they lived and we were lucky enough to love them. Gratitude for a box of tissues when we need to have a Christmas cry. Or for this year’s Covid symptoms.
Thanks for the cards, texts, emails, whattsaps, Skypes & any other ways that we communicate with each other to send our love.
For the tin of chocolates to dip into by the kettle. For Christmas TV shows. For the happy times we can remember, and the fact that we still have more ahead, even if we can’t see it yet.
For everyone helping in a busy kitchen to prepare a meal for a table squashed full of all the generations of your clan. Just taking a split second to notice and appreciate it all, with love.
Or for a Christmas cosy in pyjamas, eating pizza & chips…
However you plan to spend your Christmas this year, I wish you the best for it. Punctuated by several cups of tea, with the kettle as your saviour. Not to mention the mince pies & chocolates.
We cracked open a box of After Eights yesterday lunchtime, confessing this blatant breaking of the rules of the universe (as it was before 8pm) in jest to our pub quiz Whattsapp group.
Pub Quiz Andy replied that we’d been spotted by the Mint Spies!
Take that as your early Christmas cracker joke…
See, it’s nearly 26th December already & time for that first cup of morning tea.
