Charlie’s Blog – Page 2 – Charlie Jordan's Website

12th February 2023

‘Never Love Anyone Tepidly’ & ‘Be More Daffodil.’

Never Love Anyone Tepidly…

The words I heard as I switched on the radio the other day.

I like that rule. ‘Never Love Anyone Tepidly’. We can expand this to ‘Never Love Anyone or Anything Tepidly’.

Whoever or whatever you love, don’t do it half heartedly, just go for it!

You love trees? Go walk in the park as often as possible and gaze adoringly at the shapes & structures of every tree you encounter, in utter bliss. Read books about them and count the leaves on a tree one sunny afternoon, as the poet Mary Oliver once mentioned doing…

You love a mischievous three year old niece or grandchild? Enjoy the picture books & world of wiggling worms & lego, giggling often and playing for hours.

Love wholeheartedly those friends you’ve known for years. You may have seen each other through poodle home perms, heartbreak, illness, the usual dramas and crises that can bring us to our knees. They put the kettle on, make a sandwich and gently remind us that someone does care, and that Robert Frost was right, life does goes on.

Eventually.

To love a partner through the years won’t always be easy, there will be times when they are your favourite person in the universe, or at times they might drive you round the bend, just as you might irritate them…..

Mostly it’s a good thing to do with our time, to love. But let’s not risk loving ‘tepidly’. That could be a greater risk than the risk of heartbreak or loss.

Even when we’ve lost someone, we don’t lose that love, it just continues in a different form. Love is that invisible thread that unites us like ‘a giant wonky cobweb!’ Not the most poetic phrase, but it came from an adorable seven year old in a poetry session I ran, and I thought it should be shared.

February brings a commercial focus on ‘romantic love’ for Valentine’s day, but there are so many more types of Love than just that. Don’t forget to love yourself, as well.

Don’t love yourself tepidly, but with enthusiasm, with a wholehearted sense of how ridiculous, wonderful & amazing you are, you have been and you will continue to be.

You’re not perfect, neither am I or anyone else reading these words. Thankfully! That would be way too much pressure, but we can imperfectly bumble along and love each other and the world we inhabit. That’s a gentle aim for February.

There are tiny snowdrops bowing their heads, and daffodil shoots forcing their way above the ground in search of Winter sunlight in the UK. They have confidence there will be a Spring and they’re longing to show off their bold yellow trumpets.

Let’s assume daffodils love themselves, and not tepidly.

Be more daffodil!

Enjoy loving yourself & other people and things in the world this month, and notice when you love fully, not tepidly, and appreciate that quality of paying attention. I hope you also feel loved in return, and treasure that feeling.

I’ve just researched the voice on the radio who said, ‘Never love anyone tepidly’. It’s Catherine Newman, author of a book called ‘We all want impossible things.”

I’ll message her to say how brilliant her words were, as they’ve stayed with me for the last few days. She volunteers at a hospice, a place where each moment of everyday life becomes such a precious thing to be treasured.

Marie Curie hospices in the UK have the daffodil as their symbol. Did you know a daffodil field can bloom for a phenomenal 50 yrs? So the bulbs we chuck in the garden in a spirit of optimism may be cheering people up for decades.

In Japan daffodils symbolise joy and in France they represent Hope. All good things for us to keep hold of, as we navigate February. And some supermarkets have bunches of daffs for £1, which is the perfect way to cheer up a friend who might struggling this week.

This morning a group of lovely writers joined my Mindfulness Zoom session where we wrote about love in all sorts of different ways… from worms & daffodils to Burt Bacharach. We loved it all, and not tepidly!

The irony as I type this, of a ‘tepid’ cup of tea I forgot about. Just off to microwave it… and sending you the optimism of the daffodil for your February, and a biscuit for your tea…

3rd September 2022

Enchanted moments on the bus & cheesy fingertips…

Random chance moments can be like pure gold in an otherwise pretty average day.

Sometimes they come from nature, like when you see an urban fox gingerly padding around your garden, or a scrappy little blue tit land on your bird feeder, with newly grown punk rock feathers.

Sometimes they come from the amazing human beings that we share this planet with. It’s always good to cherish them.

On the bus yesterday, shortly after a vicious row between two passengers sitting at the back, I noticed a young Mum got on the bus with a little toddler in a pram. They both had the same stunning corkscrew curls that I used to try to coax my straggly hair into, using pink foam pipe cleaner things from Bearwood market in the 1980’s. Never quite worked, nor did the poodle home perm, but I digress!

This beautiful young Mum and her toddler were sharing a packet of Aldi’s cheese puff crisps, and the little one was absolutely captivated by the noise the scrunchy bag made, and examining how her tiny fingers were covered in bright orange cheesy powder, then she’d delicately taste before nibbling another cheese puff.

There was such a gentle and loving bond between the two of them, contented in their bubble of togetherness and oblivious to the angry shouting they’d just missed.

It was pure joy to watch, and I beamed at the Mum as we began a conversation. The whole atmosphere on the bus had softened and tensions dissolved as these two amazing human beings joined us.

It also made me peckish for cheesy crisps!

Then this morning, as I opened the bedroom window, I spotted a neighbour gently holding his baby up to touch the leaves of a tree. I’ll let you imagine the sense of pure wonder on the face of the baby and the pure love shining on the face of the young Dad.

With these two glimpses of all that is wonderful in the world, I have faith that there is still enchantment and magic to be found, on the bus or through your window. It’s there to bolster us against all the harsh and difficult things in the world.

These tender moments of grace, love, wonder, and cheesy crisps are to be cherished.

These glimpses were of two young parents raising future generations with such care and patient attention. Both were utterly ‘in the moment’, sharing precious everyday miracles with their children.

Luckily I got to witness them and I hope you get to see something equally wonderful today. Keep looking and you’ll happen on these tiny moments of effortless Mindfulness. I wish you a September full of them.

Now, where did I put the cheesy crisps…

http://Image Thanks to Janko Ferlic at Unsplash

1st August 20221st August 2022

Dancing round the pitch or living room…

It’s not just that they won, but the way that they won.

Pure joy!

The England women’s football team hugged each other & danced in celebration as they won the Euros 2022 final yesterday.

Those who had played their part on the pitch embraced those who had trained just as hard, but were on the Subs bench.

The cameras showed many families with young girls in the crowd, cheering in jubilation as they witnessed a historic victory to inspire future generations.

Watching the Lionesses singing & dancing their way through the press conference afterwards, they seemed so down to earth and full of pure joy at their victory. Just like the rest of us, dancing in our living rooms.

Brought up as a WBA fan, I’m not used to seeing such historic wins!

Talking of history, there used to be 150 women’s teams in the 1920’s, during the first World War they drew crowds of up to 53,000. In 1921 the FA banned their members from letting women’s teams play at their grounds.

Just over 100 years later the England women’s team win at Wembley, in front of a record breaking crowd of 87,192.

Change is the only thing that is certain in this life. Sometimes it happens in a blink of an eye, or it can take a century. It’s not always easy.

One of many inspiring stories from the game is that of Chloe Kelly. As a girl she used to get the bus to Wembley to buy a programme and just soak up the atmosphere of the big football games.

Last year she missed the Olympics due to injury and she had to battle physically & mentally to recover and earn a place in the squad.

Yesterday the 24yr old Chloe was a substitute, and scored her first international competitive goal. Not just any goal, this was the goal that won the game. With her proud family in the crowd at Wembley, cheering her on.

But just before she scored, she missed an attempt a second earlier.

If she had let herself get caught up in focusing on the goal she missed, she would not have been able to score when she did.

It’s something the best sports people work hard on in their training. That ‘Letting go’ in the same split second that something happens, to keep your full attention on this second right now, and what is possible.

In a ninety minute football match, for each player there will be many shots they miss, challenges they don’t win, or goals they don’t score. If they linger on the frustration or self criticism of each tiny human error, they risk losing the opportunity of the next brilliant shot or goal.

A useful Mindfulness habit for us all to try. The more we can practice ‘Letting go’ of the not so brilliant bits of life, the more we are able to move with the flow of inevitable changes in life.

Or in football, the more we can pay attention to where the ball is now, rather than where we wish it was.

As spectators in football, we had to keep ‘Letting go’ of the impending doom of a possible penalty shootout in yesterday’s game. The England mens football team have quite a history of those and not with the best results…

For the bigger events in life, this ‘Letting go’ can take much longer. Maybe years.

But we can practice with the smaller things. ‘Letting go’ of the train delays this morning, or the parcel that should have arrived but didn’t, or the rain forecast for the family barbecue this weekend.

It’s good to practice ‘Letting go’ of expecting perfection from ourselves & those we share our lives with. We’re all imperfect human beings just bumbling along and trying our best.

Sometimes we get injured, or worn out by life and have to sit on the sidelines for a while.

Sometimes we’re on the Subs bench, but still cheering others on.

Sometimes we get a chance to play in extra time & we find the courage to let go of the darker days to be part of something magical, and score.

Letting go of the past we can celebrate today.

Preferably dancing around our living rooms, sharing the Lioness’s joy with the family and friends who are our ‘team’ in life.

It’s coming home…

Photo thanks to Leonard Von Bibra at Unsplash.

30th July 2022

But what if your trousers fall down? And why it doesn’t matter if they do. Even if a billion people are watching…

Have you ever felt nervous about a stressful situation & started panicking about endless worst case scenarios, including a major wardrobe malfunction?

Me too.

And probably everyone else on this planet who wears clothes and who isn’t the most super confident human being.

And you know what, it doesn’t matter even if your trousers do fall down.

It could be in a work presentation, on a first date, or appearing on TV live in front of over a billion people… As a proud Brummie, many of my talented creative friends were involved in this week’s phenomenal opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games.

One of them was terrified that their trousers might fall down on live TV, in front of an audience of over a billion people.

Imagine that… a billion people seeing your trousers fall down.

Maybe a good idea to wear your best pants for a day like that!

But you know what, even if that did happen, it wouldn’t really matter. And here’s why…

For years I’ve often been nervous & shy, and not felt as good as other people. I worried about all sorts of things… including my trousers falling down.

Then I trained as a Celebrant and began taking funeral services. One was for a former army man, and life hadn’t been kind to him.

For his Funeral we had a bugler playing The Last Post, and Standard Bearers from his regiment. I was so nervous about making sure everything was perfect, desperately wanting to honour his life and give his family the best possible send off for their much loved Dad and Grandad.

That’s when I realised that my trousers were not the most important thing that day.

If they stayed up or down, they were only a minor detail on the outskirts of what really mattered that day.

A family had lost someone they loved very much, that really mattered. Giving him a meaningful goodbye and paying tribute to his years on earth, that really mattered.

If my trousers fell down and everyone saw my pants, well that didn’t really matter.

If anything, it would be a tiny post script to the things that did matter on that day. It might make someone smile at an otherwise incredibly sad time, and would perhaps be a story shared at the reception afterwards. ‘The Celebrant whose trousers fell down’ – nobody would even remember it was me.

Because it doesn’t really matter.

Many of us wear trousers, most of us wear pants underneath, and so it wouldn’t actually be that shocking. Maybe everyone else would be so relieved it was my trousers that fell down, and not their own!

And even if a billion people were watching you on TV, what really mattered would be that thousands of people worked for months to create a magical opening ceremony for the Commonwealth Games in Birmingham.

Your tumbling trousers might become a meme for a while, but Ozzy the giant mechanical bull would still be centre stage.

I’m happy to report that my friend’s trousers didn’t fall down on live TV, by the way. But my friend found it useful to keep that question in mind, ‘What really matters here, in this moment?’ to calm the worries down.

I’ve found it a massive help in focusing attention onto where it really matters in any particular situation. A Mindfulness Practice helps me to notice where I’m placing my attention, and nudge it to somewhere that really matters.

What really counts? We’re all just imperfect human beings who are doing our best. Our trousers don’t matter that much.

Although for a stressful situation, you could always wear your best pants, and carry a safety pin. Just in case…

Photo with thanks to Matt Moloney at Unsplash.

6th June 20226th June 2022

Paddington at the Palace.

**Thanks to Carter Baran at Unsplash for the bear photo.**

What an enchanted idea, for the world to focus on a bear slurping tea straight from the teapot, with a marmalade sandwich tucked under his hat. And another sandwich in the Queen’s handbag; so that’s what she keeps in there…

I’ve been working non-stop the last few days, but thanks to social media I’ve caught up on snippets from the Jubilee. Like former President Obama’s words, comparing the Queen to his Grandmother. And the cakes… many people were busy baking to share tea and cake with family, friends and neighbours. That sense of community is worth celebrating, whether you’re someone who supports the monarchy or not.

A friend who is hosting a family from Ukraine loved the symbolism of the Queen welcoming Paddington, who was himself a refugee. Michael Bond spoke of how he’d seen children from the Kindertransport arriving at Reading station during the war, and drew inspiration from this.

Creating the story of Paddington, a bear from Peru, all on his own at a railway station, with a label attached that said ‘Please look after this bear. Thank you.’ Michael Bond once said that he wrote the opening line from Paddington one morning without really knowing what he was going to write, but he wanted to get something down on paper…

“Mr and Mrs Brown first met Paddington on a railway platform…”

In the Mindfulness & Writing sessions I run, we meet each other on Zoom and scribble down new beginnings and bursts of ideas. Who knows where they will lead, in the days that follow, when all sorts of thoughts might spring up. Often inspired by something another participant has mentioned…

I like to think that Michael Bond would be proud that we look after each other in our sessions, listening with kindness and curiosity. And sometimes cups of tea. All Grandmothers know that cups of tea are incredibly important, as they give you five minutes to take a break or listen to someone who is struggling with something. And all Grandmothers know that looking after each other is probably all that really matters in life.

In my work as a Celebrant, I’ve been writing funeral services this weekend to honour two Great Grandmothers who were both in their 90’s. Deeply loved and cherished, each had known the pain of sadness and loss in their lifetimes, and stressed the importance of looking after each other. Family, friends, neighbours, dogs, cats, the birds and probably bears as well… Both Great Grandmothers also had magic biscuit tins, that never seemed to empty…

So we should celebrate a sense of looking after each other in the myriad ways we do; often beginning with a cup of tea. Especially after the Pandemic years, that were difficult for all of us around the globe. When grownups take five minutes to enjoy a cuddly bear with a marmalade sandwich tucked under his hat, the world is definitely a better place.

It’s a great example of Mindfulness in action, that importance of where we place our attention and focus. I needed that reminder last night, and a welcome few minutes of light relief, thanks to focusing on Paddington and his antics at the Palace.

No matter how many difficult things we’re all juggling, a few minutes to take a break, have a cup of tea and marvel at a bear gives us all a brief respite. A mischievous and wise bear, and the sublime voice of Ben Whishaw as an extra bonus. If you’ve never watched a Paddington film, I highly recommend them. And they star Julie Walters, a national treasure herself!

Every home should have a bear to cuddle. We found ours by accident when buying book shelves in a charity furniture shop a few years ago. This solitary bear was sitting on a shelf by the till, looking very lonely and was just £1.

He didn’t have a label attached, just a £1 price sticker. My 6ft 5” partner (who looks a bit like a viking with his long hair & silver beard) picked the bear up and we took it home, where it has been cuddled by many of our visitors in the years since then. Cost us a fortune in marmalade, but worth it!

If I’m writing something particularly serious, the bear often sits nearby. Seeing his cuddly paws helps, I’m sure. Keep a look out, there might be the perfect bear for your household for £1 in a charity shop window this week…

Meantime, I’m off to make marmalade sandwiches and put the kettle on. There’s a laptop that needs to be switched off to avoid overheating, and a bear in need of a cuddle…

p.s. if you’d like to know more about the June Mindfulness & Writing sessions, just send me a message from the ‘Contact’ part of this website. Good luck finding your bear…

13th February 202213th February 2022

Valentine tips: Writing about Love. What I’ve learned as a Celebrant, Poet & Radio Presenter. And why a pineapple is the perfect love token!

As a Celebrant, I listen while people light up, telling me their real life Love stories. Then I write them into bespoke ceremonies & rituals that mark the big transitions in our lives.

It’s such a privilege.

Like Love, it also comes with a responsibility.

To tell their true Love story and for it to touch the heart of each person gathered. We might catch a glimpse of our own love reflected in the words at a wedding, turning to snuggle our beloved, while testing our waterproof mascara…

Love spreads like this. I would say Love is ‘contagious’, but given recent events let’s think of Love as spreading like the aroma of baked apple pie with cinnamon freckles. Or freshly cooked chips with a vinegar top note. Delicious.

Maybe you or your partner don’t like apple pie or chips, but what do you love instead? Details matter, they make things personal and real.

So think about the one you love…what’s their favourite smell, or taste? Which song do they sing aloud to on the radio? If the words you write capture some details, it will help to make the message unique & the recipient feel special.

You’ve noticed them. We all love to be noticed, and seen & heard.

Years ago, I used to present late night Love Zone radio shows, which meant sifting through hundreds of hand written letters from listeners every week. (In the dinosaur era, we didn’t have email or texts.)

Real life love stories were stuffed into each envelope. Sometimes 3 identical letters with requests for different names, but all from the same person, declaring to each, ‘You’re the only one for me’. Being truthful is a good idea with love stuff, so you can guess where those letters ended up…

Some stories were messy & complicated, but over 7 pages of green biro scrawl, the depth of feeling was clear. Love really can be ‘The Sweetest Feeling’ as the Jackie Wilson song goes.

We always had far more letters than time in the shows to share their story, so had to choose which dedications made it to air. Some stood out clearly, often thanks to the details which made them come to life.

For your Valentine, write something personal, that only they will get. You don’t need to be Ed Sheehan or Warsan Shire, but if your partner loves the work of a singer or writer, you could quote from them.

If your first date was at the cinema, write a soppy message quoting a line from the film on a home made ‘cinema ticket’ & stream that film.

Talking of films, if you’re in love, first think about your ‘Meet Cute’, Hollywood speak for how a couple first meet. I love asking couples about how they met. They don’t always have the same answer… but you can usually see their faces change. They often blush and sneak flirty glances at each other with a beaming smile, or a filthy laugh!

Maybe just thinking about when you met your beloved has changed how you feel now, softening into a smile widening across your face as you remember.

Tap into that feeling as you pick up a biro to scribble a few thoughts down… anything you remember from those first blushes of love?

What did you notice about this person? Maybe you were nervous & had that awkward self conscious teenager feeling, despite being 42? Or you fell off a chair & talked about how giraffes have the largest hearts of all land mammals?

That was me on all counts. Luckily he didn’t run away.

Be yourself. If you haven’t scared them off already, with clumsiness & talk of giraffe hearts, then they like you just as you are. One of the sexiest things Mark Darcy said to Bridget Jones in that film, that he liked her very much, ‘Just as you are.‘ Swoon.

‘To thine own self be true’, as some scribe from Stratford wrote. Having watched ‘Upstart Crow’ on TV., I now only see David Mitchell as William Shakespeare.

If someone loves you, then they want YOU to shine through any words you write.

So write what you’d say to them. If you’re not a natural silver tongued wordsmith, but put up amazing shelves & always do the washing up, then write about that, as your way of showing love.

There’s a book about the ‘5 Languages’ of Love, the first of which is ‘words of affirmation.’ But there’s probably 5 million different ways we demonstrate our love. All can be amazing. But writing a line or two about what you love about that person is going to result in a warm glow for your beloved.

For advertisers, 14th February is all about expensive bouquets of flowers, chocolates & champagne. But it can be about pineapples & onions.

Bear with me here…

I remember a Grook poem from Danish mathematician & scientist Piet Hein, I read it on the bus to school one day & it’s tattooed in my memory. It’s short & sweet, like all the best poetry, as my non-poet friends say…

‘Love is like a pineapple

Sweet and undefinable.’

So you could write that on a card, and give your love a pineapple, saying ‘I pineapple you.’

A memorable Valentine, and you can serve fresh slices of pineapple, then compost the skin for zero waste.

Or how about gifting your beloved an onion?

Bear with me again…

There’s a poem called ‘Valentine’ by Carol Ann Duffy. It begins, ‘Not a red rose or satin heart. I give you an onion. It is the moon wrapped in brown paper…’

Search it online & quote her to your Loved one. Then chop & cook the onion later in the week. Romantic dinners often start by caramelising an onion…

The poem goes on to talk of ‘Its’ platinum loops that shrink to a wedding ring, if you like.’ An original way to propose!

If this year’s Valentine’s Day leads to a proposal, as a Celebrant, I’m always thrilled to listen to a real life love story. We could even use an onion or pineapple in your ceremony, perhaps to hold the ring?!

My Aunty Doreen got married on Valentine’s Day. Her prudent husband thought it a good way to remember the date for anniversaries & save on extra cards or flowers each year!

A heartfelt post-it note & breakfast in bed can work wonders, so no need to splash the cash. Or a bar of Montezuma’s dark chocolate with orange & geranium, sublime flavours & £2.50 from our local shop. That’s my traditional Valentine treat. Hopefully my hairy viking partner has already got one stashed away ready.

That’s another thing – don’t expect your partner to be a mind reader. They’ve probably got a lot on their plate already & it’s not been the easiest couple of years lately. So a huge act of love is not putting pressure on the one you love to plan epic or expensive surprises, lovely though they might be. Instead you could just talk about Valentines or any other time of the year & what you’d both like to do.

Happy Valentine’s, however you’re celebrating it this year. In a relationship or happily single, I hope you feel a glow of all the love you’ve had from family, partners & friends through the years. Tuck it close to your heart, and in remembering the details, it might sneak a smile from the inside out.

And perhaps treat yourself to a delicious pineapple.

p.s. A real life love poem is below, commissioned by Julie Boden for ‘Love in Leamington’. It mentions all true life details, from thread veins to the Giraffe heart thing. Music by the outstanding Steve Tromans. Excuse me waddling like a duck, buying a red dress on a whim just before the gig wasn’t my smartest idea, given that I don’t usually wear dresses. You see, be yourself – I should have known!

29th January 2022

The first snowdrop. Or is it bird poo?

January can be a bit bleak. Dark, cold & goes on for 100 days.

So when you catch a glimpse of ‘the first snowdrop’ in the garden, your soul might do a little happy dance as you trust that Spring will return again.

But then you look again, with your varifocal glasses on and it’s not the first snowdrop after all.

It’s a blob of white bird poo, nestling on the end of the snowdrop stem that is happily growing just by the gate.

The bulbs planted there so you can notice the first signs of this wonder of nature.

The wonder being the snowdrop bud, not the bird’s little gift!

Is this a sign of something deep & spiritual? Or just one of nature’s little ironies that can make you despair or laugh out loud.

It depends.

You see, we feed the birds. A lot. And friends & family buy us extra bird feeders as gifts.

So this January the ‘all you can eat buffet’ for our feathered friends expanded with even more cleverly designed hanging containers that swing near the bird table.

Not forgetting the bird bath, which has an old ridged frying pan wedged across it.

Sounds strange, but the teeny tiny birds enjoy the shallow puddles & lines of nibbles it offers them. We think of it as the ‘junior pool’ but don’t ask if they’re wearing verruca socks, as we had to for school swimming lessons!

No bird feeder has yet designed a way to swerve the Jackson Pollock style splashes that decorate the garden wherever the birds are.

So if you’re going to feed the birds, what goes in one end has to come out of the other. Pardon me if you’re eating your breakfast right now… but it’s just nature.

It was funny, realising I’d seen what I long for in January, a sign of Spring. I was willing the sunshine to return & buds to blossom, and trying to fast forward nature.

So that’s what nature does, it reminds you who is boss. Sometimes it’s not a flower, it’s a blob of bird poo.

But it’s also a sign of love. If we choose to look for it.

The love of friends & family who buy us the new bird feeders.

My partner’s love of feeding the birds that nudges him to buy regular supplies of all their favourite selections.

My love for how patiently he cleans & fills up their feeders, and scrubs the swing clear of unfortunate splashes, before we sit on it.

Our love of watching the birds, a habit cherished more since the Pandemic changes. Thuggish robins facing off mischievous blue tits & the occasional excitement of a goldfinch or goldcrest.

Or the thrill of spotting a woodpecker that looks like he’s wearing red pants on a black & white feathered frame.

Maybe that’s the solution, bird pants? From the same shop as the bird verruca socks!

My habit of getting things wrong is funny. As we get older it’s good to be able to laugh at our own foolishness & rubbish eyesight.

And yesterday as I walked past the pot & glanced down at the snowdrop bulbs, guess what?

Yes, another white blob.

This time, it really was our first snowdrop flower of 2022.

So next time you see something that isn’t quite what you’re hoping for, can you find a way to see Love in it? Even the process of trying that might make you giggle.

But also kept an eye out for any birds that might have just eaten too much from the buffet & are about to Jackson Pollock…

**If you’d like to know more or join one of the regular Mindfulness & Writing Zoom sessions I run, where we play with ideas like this, & chill out with relaxing & restoring meditations… message from the ‘Contact’ bit of this website. They are friendly groups where giggling & daydreaming are encouraged alongside the practically useful & more inspired stuff. No experience of Mindfulness or Writing are needed, and beginners & those more experienced are equally welcome. Happy snowdrop seeking meantime…

Photo with thanks to Yoksel at Unsplash.

23rd January 202225th January 2022

Hot orange squash & enlightenment.

As a 15 yr old from Birmingham, the height of sophistication was drinking hot orange squash. Tesco’s own brand usually, but occasionally the luxury of Kia-Ora.

I wasn’t a proper grownup, so didn’t drink tea or coffee. We definitely hadn’t heard of herbal teas back then… the stuff of wizards & alchemy, if you’d even suggested it!

So when I stumbled on a Japanese Tea shop on a day trip to London it was mindblowingly exciting.

The black lacquered interior was beguiling… the aroma of the tea selection lent it the air of an apothecary from an ancient text.

I was so eager to buy something, but as I didn’t drink tea, and couldn’t spy a bottle of orange squash on a shelf, what to choose?

I circled the space, bewildered & trying to find something to spend my £2 an hour part time wages on. Finally I spotted it.

A high up shelf, so my 6 ft height, often the subject of name calling at school – lanky, lamp post, chopstick, giraffe… the usual, was useful.

Above the glass domes of straggly herbal teas & boxes of mysterious potions was a line of books.

Many were not in English, as I gently traced the unfamiliar characters that lined the spines. One stood out, with a bright red cover.

My favourite colour, maybe a sign?! I was clutching at straws here.

Before I shyly pulled the book out, I vowed that if it was in English, it would be mine.

Phew.

Result, I’d be taking a piece of this exotic emporium home. Devouring the words on the ‘London Liner’ within hours, on the cheapest coach service back then.

‘The Sun My Heart’ was this book, by Thich Nhat Hanh.

A friend, disguised as a book.

My copy is so well thumbed, read many times over the last 35 yrs.

Clutched on flights, when turbulence terrified me. Turned to when life was chaotic or seemed unfair. A source of solace in times of loss. Gentle poetic wisdom when inspiration was needed.

A deceptively simple message on every page that illuminated each day beyond the ordinary into something to treasure.

I’d been through the care system, rejected by 4 families before I was even a year old, but this book was somewhere I felt at home.

I stumbled upon my first introduction to the ideas & wisdom of Buddhism, all thanks to drinking hot orange squash rather than tea.

It’s a beautiful book that I’ve bought for friends over the years, and recommend to you if you’d like an introduction to Mindfulness practices. (You don’t need to have a Buddhist faith or belief to find many treasures in the pages, and it’s definitely not out to convert you.)

That sense of being present in this moment; enjoying a cup of tea & not getting lost in endless worries or struggles of the past or future is something we can all benefit from.

Especially after a time of global pandemic.

Thich Nhat Hanh was a phenomenal man. A peace activist who opposed the Vietnam war, he was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize by Martin Luther King.

Exiled from his home in Vietnam for decades, he knew what it was like not to feel at home anywhere in the world, & had to create a new home.

He helped to set up the deliciously named Plum Village community in the South of France, which has become home & refuge for many. He’s often described as the Father of Mindfulness in the West, and even appeared with Oprah Winfrey on TV.

His teachings are of kindness & compassion but also actively helping each other through this lifetime & standing up to injustice. It’s impossible to sum up here just how significant his life has been for so many of us.

He died this week, at 95.

You can search online to find out more about his life, or just sit peacefully with a cup of tea right now & enjoy this moment. I think he’d like that. Always with a soft smile.

Or take a slow walk & gaze at the trees around you. ‘Kiss the earth with your feet’ he once wrote, about how to walk mindfully. ‘We walk for everyone, always hand in hand’ he said, appreciating each step.

I’ve always been clumsy, all uncoordinated long arms & legs, often stumbling or falling over. I once fell over a hoover, breaking it & the bin & my ribs… not recommended!

But as I get older, have learned a little about this walking thing. I even appreciate the trees that were invisible to me as an inner city girl, until I was at least 40. Now I LOVE trees & can tell you which ones in the local park still have a few leaves left on them. Even in January those determined yet crinkled dried brown leaves, clinging on no matter what…

‘Walk with me’ is a gently powerful film, narrated by Benedict Cumberbatch, that shows some the work of Thich Nhat Hanh. How this sense of living in the present moment is embodied by the monks & nuns who live in the community at Plum Village, and those who visit on retreat.

When I first began studying Mindfulness practices & went on retreats, I longed to visit Plum Village. To walk the ground he’d stepped upon, to sit meditation in the halls near to him, & feel the calming presence of those who follow the teachings.

As if being there would trigger some magic transformation, after which I’d be able to concentrate for hours in silent meditation & always be a perfectly patient human being…

As if!

And the complete opposite of the humble man himself, who had no intention of becoming a famous guru or rock star of the Mindfulness world.

I once read of a Meditation teacher who’d planned a visit to the delightfully named Plum Village, only to be furious that Thich Nhat Hanh himself wasn’t there, but was travelling.

The irony!

So however wonderful it might be at Plum Village, and lovely for those who do visit… it’s not a necessary part of a Mindfulness practice.

‘Start where you are’, as Pema Chodron wrote.

The simple wisdom & practices themselves are enough, and easily available. Like watering & weeding a garden, or nurturing those you are near to, wherever you are.

A beloved teacher, Thay, as he was affectionately known, will be much missed. I’m so grateful I stumbled upon his words, that have enlarged my understanding of the world and how to exist in it.

All thanks to the love of hot orange squash! You never know when some random detail will lead you to something big in your life.

Thich Nhat Hanh loved to drink tea, and distilled his core wisdom of paying attention to the present moment into the simplicity of ‘When you drink tea, drink the tea.’ Meaning to pay attention to the tea and enjoy it, and to pay attention to whoever you drink the tea with. Not your phone.

I wonder if he ever tried hot orange squash?! Or hot Ribena, if we’re being posh or you’re feeling poorly.

Thank you Thay, for so much. As you become the bud on the spring branch (as you wrote of becoming, beyond this life), I’ll put the kettle on.

**If you’d like to know more or join one of the monthly ‘Mindfulness, Writing & Journalling’ sessions I run on Zoom, drop me a line from the ‘Contact Charlie’ bit of this website. They’re a welcoming & accessible place where we look at some big ideas with small scribbles & creativity, learn new techniques & Mindfulness practices that work in the real world. And where daydreaming & giggling are encouraged… it’s never about perfection or being po faced!

14th January 202215th January 2022

Mindfulness First Aid kit & plankton.

When it snows, the advice is to pack the car with a warm coat, snow shovel, flask of tea & a giant bar of chocolate. Or more sensible emergency food supplies…

Well, here’s 3 things for a Mindfulness First Aid Kit to help cope with January, as we approach ‘Blue Monday’. (Not the amazing New Order song, but that third Monday in January when we’re months away from a Bank Holiday, it’s cold & dark… actually I’ll stop listing & get onto what might help with it!)

You know how sometimes on your phone screen, something is so tiny that you have to zoom in to enlarge it & see it more clearly? Well, with January, try the opposite. It can help to zoom out & get a bigger screen perspective, blurring the tiny annoying details.

The words of Pema Chodron, an American Tibetan Buddhist nun are worth sticking on a post-it note at any time of the year, but especially in January. Perfect for us Brits, who love to focus on the weather.

‘You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather.’

Brilliantly simple & absolutely accurate. Life will continue to move, like clouds rolling across the sky. That sense of you remaining larger than any current dramas in your life and holding the space to contain it all.

The good stuff and the less welcome events in our life. Change is the only certainty. Impermanence. Like the weather.

In Australia or Vietnam it’s currently much hotter than in the U.K. The seasons are different. Wherever you live, the weather can show off the full range of sunshine, rain, gale force winds etc. in a single day.

Usually that day you’re working outdoors or at a festival, with a soggy new hairstyle & inside out umbrella.

You get the idea… So it’s knowing that January lasts for 31 days, not 31 years, and the seasons will evolve into warmer days when the garden will have paintbox colour splashes to cheer it up again.

But let’s go further with this. I invite you to write your own version of the words. So if you love swimming in the sea, ‘You are the ocean. Everything else, it’s just plankton.’

Or if you love knitting, ‘You are the needles, everything else is just balls of wool.’ or ‘You are the hotel buffet breakfast, everything else is just bread rolls…’

Then when things pop up this month that you don’t like, you can think of them as plankton, balls of wool or bread rolls. Useful to think of your boss as a bread roll…

On to part 2 of the First Aid kit.

Maybe as a child you were forced to spend the days after Christmas writing Thank you letters to people for gifts you may have received.

As a 5 yr old, trying to find enthusiasm for Lily of the Valley bath cubes was an interesting challenge…

But gratitude freely given is a different matter. It can help to nudge our brains away from the negative bias of January. The National Science Foundation estimates we can have up to 50, 000 negative thoughts a day. Perhaps more in January…

So start small. 3 things to appreciate today. If you’re somewhere with a boiler that works and hot water, start there. I type this having not had hot water for several days now… it’s minus 1 celsius and still frosty at 3 pm, but at least I have water!

Gratitude that your child ate a vegetable, for a change. Thankful that the dog’s tummy troubles have eased & you still have a carpet.

Appreciating your neighbours who cooked curries for you & the family when Covid hit & you couldn’t get out to the shops.

Seeing a cheerful little robin on the gatepost, posing for next year’s Christmas cards already!

This also helps with the bigger scary things in life. In a noisy MRI machine, alert with the pure terror of serious illness where each test reminds us of our potential impermanence. I found it does help to be thankful we live in a world where scientists create these machines.

To appreciate the overworked & patient staff who guide us through the system. The porter with their gentle jokes that keep us distracted. I’m sure they design the backless gowns specifically to avoid us running away in these situations…

You can write these down in a ‘Gratitude Journal’, or just notice them & appreciate them. It’s good to have a regular time to develop this practice, i.e. when brushing your teeth, or in the shower, or when your head finally nestles in the pillow at night.

With a silent ‘Thank you’, if you’ve got a comfy pillow & a clean pillowcase to rest your head. And the luxury of a bed. Maybe even with a loved one curled up next to you. That’s 3 or 4 right there.

If you want to aim for more than 3 Gratitudes, just keep going. A friend aims for 100 a night. It’s a truly advanced practice to appreciate the snores of your beloved partner or cat.

Which brings us on to part 3 of our Mindfulness First Aid Kit.

Something you do without thinking 20, 000 times a day. Although often we don’t do it that well. Shallow even.

Yes, breathing. A simple core practice of Mindfulness, but one that really helps. If you’ve ever found yourself overwhelmed, stressed or furious, and tried to calm yourself down… it’s not easy.

Often it’s easier to calm your breathing first, then that gives you a bit of ‘wiggle room’ to focus on calming down the other primal emotions, once you’ve caught your breath.

Athletes know the power of breath, and using it for maximum performance.

But we’re more interested in using it to calm and ground us in this moment. Not panicking about the hundreds of possible future things that terrify us. Or dwelling on messy situations from the past.

I could list all the evidence of how deep nourishing breaths can begin to regulate our blood pressure, boost our immune system, or help switch off the Adrenalin rush of the ‘Fight or Flight’ emergency system of our bodies. That urge to out run the woolly mammoth that might have been lurking outside the cave..

It’s ok, I’ve checked, no woolly mammoths at this moment.

So just giving our brain a little ‘popcorn snack’ of paying attention to the air entering through the nostrils of the next inhalation, following it as it goes into the lungs and fills the belly, before the ‘letting go’ of the exhalation as the air flows out again… can help distract our brain from the endless cycle of worries and thoughts, like a washing machine full of scrambled eggs. Or maybe that’s just my brain…

As little as 3 long, deep breaths, where we pay attention to gently calming & deepening our breathing can help kick in the parasympathetic nervous system. 3 minutes of this, perhaps counting your breaths can help enhance all these good benefits to our bodies in a mini ‘Mindfulness First Aid’ kit way.

And actually I think you’ll know from experience, it just feels calmer and much nicer to be settled quietly for a moment in this state. Take your cue from a purring cat, positioning themselves on a comfy cushion, near a radiator and just squinting into the winter sunshine.

Or that moment when a baby has been screaming & crying, but finally settles down. Snuggled in your arms, their breathing starts to calm and slow down until the exhale becomes a soft snore and you both rest in that blissful moment.

Rest.

Another good added extra for the First Aid kit, resting in the moment with that Pema Chodron quote. Imagining plankton or bread rolls for the minor irritations. And maybe put the kettle on as well.

Cups of tea or coffee are a natural way of giving you a few moments to gaze at the sky, be thankful that the milk is still fresh and just rest in the moment with some good deep nourishing breaths.

And if you’ve still got that chocolate in the car from the snow, well… I’ll leave that up to you.

Photo thanks to Unsplash, Kowit Phothisan.

1st January 2022

How to do New Year: one carrot & cutlery drawer at a time…

As it’s already January, Happy New Year greetings to you! A time of optimism as we look ahead, and ‘dwell in possibility’, as the poet Emily Dickinson wrote.

But don’t expect too much from yourself, be gentle.

Baby steps.

When a ship wants to change course, the rudders shift by small amounts, but gradually the ship turns and heads in the right direction.

So if you plan to get healthier, don’t try running 10K on 1st January & existing on kale smoothies… Just try scrubbing a carrot & crunching on it while you make dinner. Or throwing a handful of frozen peas into a pasta sauce to add an extra portion of veg towards your 5 a day.

If you plan to declutter the whole house & live a stylish minimalist life worthy of Instagram, just start with the cutlery drawer. It’s a 10 minute job that gives you a tiny win straight away & a natural hit of dopamine to mark the achievement.

Just don’t get rid of the hamster or the children, no matter how messy they might be today…

It’s tempting to imagine January 1st on the calendar signals a whole new You. Been there & done that. It didn’t work.

How could it? January can be a bleak, cold & dark month… especially if you’ve given up chocolate.

Again.

I’ve lost count of the years that 31st December would be spent polishing off every Quality Street, Roses & After Eight in the house… swearing that the following year would be one free from chocolate.

Then Cadburys would bring out the first Creme Eggs in early January, and it would be rude not to!

Growing up in Birmingham, with family & friends working in Cadburys chocolate factory, & having a name like Charlie, associated with a proverbial Chocolate Factory…

So from my 40’s onwards, I’ve figured out that this is never going to work. Instead I aim for the slightly healthier option of darker chocolate.

Baby steps.

Initially it was 70%. But then I worked my way up to 85%. And occasionally the hardcore option of 100% cocoa. But work your way up gradually to that, it’s not for the faint hearted.

Lots of small decisions are yours to make over coming days, weeks, and months of 2022.

So start small, but be consistent. Be realistic. And before you judge yourself harshly as needing major improvement, first try a little Gratitude.

Sprinkle that on with the goji berry/linseed sprinkles on top of your Acai bowl, or whatever the trendspotters predict we’ll be noshing this year.

Appreciate that you’ve made it through whatever 2020 & 2021 hurled your way. And let’s be honest, they were not the easiest of years for any of us.

So whatever you’ve personally been dealing with, and might be utterly exhausted by, you made it through. So reward yourself with a New Year’s Honours list title of your own. I’m sure the Queen won’t mind.

What will you name it? The, ‘I home schooled my kids while juggling work Teams meetings, delivering shopping for vulnerable neighbours & not throwing a tantrum when the petrol stations had a petrol crisis that wasn’t really a petrol crisis, but the pumps were empty?!’

Actually you could try doing less.

In fact, try doing nothing.

How radical would that be?

Just for a few minutes a day. No laptop or phone screen, just set a kitchen timer if you want to mark the 5 minutes.

And maybe carve out a few minutes of chill-out time every day just for yourself. No expectations of achieving anything.

Not doing anything.

Just being.

It doesn’t matter if you call this Meditation, or daydreaming, or just sitting.

In fact, if you’ve got a chair or sofa to curl up on for these sacred 5 minutes of peace, with a view of a tree – you can call it Tree time.

Or Cat time, if you’ve got a cat who would love to be adored for 5 minutes of your undivided attention. Just relaxing and giving yourself a break will help.

You can try focusing on your breathing. Nothing fancy, just noticing the air as it goes in through your nostrils, then down into your lungs, and finally filling your belly.

Let it rise, without judgement of the size or shape of your belly.

Be like a toddler who feels pure joy and wonder at their curving tummy, do not use tabloid journalist body shaming.

Allowing your belly to softly fill with air helps you to deepen and gently slow down each breath, making it more relaxing & nourishing.

This gentle attention on your breath helps give your brain a little ‘popcorn’ to snack on. This is less stressful than you trying to completely empty your mind & clear out your busy brain.

But it subtly takes your attention away from the 1001 worries that can swirl around your head like scrambled eggs in a washing machine.

Just giving you a few minutes breathing space can help calm your system down. This can boost your immune system, slightly lower your blood pressure a little and help to sooth the primitive part of the brain that may have been on constant Fight or Flight response mode in recent years.

Think of it as smoothing over a design flaw from centuries ago, as you help yourself trust that no woolly mammoth is about to chase you. Back then we didn’t have phone screens & 24 hour news channels that constantly flashed up woolly mammoth equivalents…

So that’s a good way to begin your New Year’s resolutions, by doing 5 minutes less every single day of 2022.

You may come to relish these few minutes as total bliss. Looking forward to a chance to de-stress and chill-out in peace no matter how demanding the rest of the day is.

Oh, and don’t forget the carrot.

Or the cutlery drawer. But only if you want to… baby steps.

**Would you like to try a monthly Mindfulness & Journalling session on Zoom? In small friendly groups where beginners are welcome alongside more experienced writers.

Where we practice new techniques that work on your Superpower of Mindfulness, in a relaxed & creative way. Where giggling & daydreaming are encouraged alongside fresh inspiration. Where you’re always welcome to share the things we think & write, but there’s never any pressure to do so.

If so, drop me a line & you’re welcome as a guest on the 2nd Sunday morning, or 2nd Monday evening of each month. Next sessions are 9th Jan at 10.30am, and 10th Jan at 7pm. All you need is pen & paper, and maybe a cuppa. Oh, and chocolate if you like… the higher cocoa content the better!